Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
