You can't motorboat a personality
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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