Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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