this just has baby written all over it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
