There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
