How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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