She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
