it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
