i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
