I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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