Please, let me fuck your mom
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
