I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
