I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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