OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
