Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
