ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
