I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize