just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
