She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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