You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
