Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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