i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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