your thong is hanging out like whoa
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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