he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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