i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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