There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
