Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
