so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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