He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
