chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
