Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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