Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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