You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
