Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
