Having a random hookup so left but love u
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
