Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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