i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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