I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
As shirtless as possible
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
