So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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