Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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