one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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