Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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