and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
