the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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