just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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