He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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