Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
