What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
