My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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