having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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