onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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