Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
