my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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