Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
this hospital has no fireball
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
