dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
