Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
