I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Alive.
So much puke
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
