Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
