I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
