I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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