So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize