things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
