a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
