yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
