I just made out with a guy for $7.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
