Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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