and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
