I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize