I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
