I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
