I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
