it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
