no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
