If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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