just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize