i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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