I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
bring money and cleavage
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
